Mr. Hinnies & Mr. Neighs

[comedian] Hey folks, thanks for coming out tonight! You ever notice how horses have a lot to say? I mean, seriously, it's like they have their own language. Let me show you what I mean. [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] Whoa there! Steady now! It's like they're trying to tell us something important, right? [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* *snort* [comedian] Easy, easy. It's alright, boy. Calm down, fella. Ever try to calm a horse down? It's like talking to your car when it won't start. "Come on, baby, you got this!" [horse impression] *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] OK there, fella! Good boy. You're alright. And they look at you like, "Really? That's all you got?" [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* [comedian] Steady. You're safe, boy. It's like when you're trying to reassure your buddy after a bad breakup. "You're safe, bro. Plenty of fish in the sea!" [horse impression] *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] Whoa there! Calm down now. Easy, easy. You ever have one of those days where you feel like you're just saying the same thing over and over? [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* [comedian] It's alright, boy. You're safe. It's like talking to yourself in the mirror before a big presentation. "You've got this. You're safe. You're alright." [horse impression] *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] There, there. Calm down, fella. Good boy. Yeah, just like that. Good boy. How many times do we need to hear it before we believe it, right? [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* [comedian] OK there, fella. Easy now. You're alright. It's like the world's worst meditation app. "Breathe in... you're alright. Breathe out... good boy." [horse impression] *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] Steady. You're safe, boy. Whoa there! Calm down now. We could all use a little steady, right? Like when the WiFi cuts out during a Netflix binge. [horse impression] *whinny* *neigh* [comedian] Easy, easy. It's alright, boy. There, there. Calm down, fella. Good boy. If only life came with its own cowboy to keep us in line. [horse impression] *snort* *hinnies* [comedian] OK there, fella! Good boy. You're alright. Thanks for listening, folks. You've been a great audience. Remember, steady now, and easy does it! [End] [End]