Lock & key

How could I express, the way I feel, When this thing's barely real, And I'm not sure that it ever will, But it keeps torturing me still. Started as a strong connection, Degraded into a lifelong session, Of chasing each other round 'n round, Trying to find some common ground. When you hurt me in the past, I let go, and tried my best, Took me some time to heal, Convinced myself it wasnt real. I got over you, I moved on. I started a life, renewed my love. But you were there, in my thoughts, From time to time, to haunt. And yet I still find myself caring, Relentlessly, until my soul's bearing, Your imprint on me has faded, But I could never fully erase it. I was begging you to break the cycle, To do something different from now on, But we keep falling back into the same pit, And it feels damning … isn't it? Not sure if you comprehend, How much it takes me all my strength, To keep myself from falling deep, To distance you away from me. If only you had any clue, How much these days I think of you, You'd know why I'm so utter blue, But I don't wanna give a clue. I know you'd only twist it, And feel like you're to blame, But I won't let you run with it, I won't let you do it again. And for now, I'm completely alone, Holding these thoughts for my own, I keep waiting for something to change, While my mind goes completely insane. I feel like you need to understand, You either have to let me in, Or I'll keep dreaming instead, With this ongoing feeling. I feel like you need to understand, You have to make a bloody choice, This thing is getting out of hand, And I'm so tired of this fucking voice. And I'm still pushing it all back, To cut me some damn slack, Cause it's been screaming from the start, To try and heal your aching heart. I know this is all platonic, It's all it would ever be, I'm not asking to be romantic, I just want to be free. But I'm only the lock here, While you hold the key.