Inventive escape, excuse Odyssey

[Piano Intro] [Verse 1] Oh, I was all set to come, but wouldn't you know, My goldfish is hosting his late-night talk show. And then there's my cat, who's got a cold, poor dear, She sneezes in French, and demands I stay near. [Piano] [Chorus] Oh, I really can't make it, I swear it's not a dodge, It's just that tonight, I have to massage— My plants are stressed out, need a rub, they feel rough, You see, these excuses, I don't make them up! [Verse 2] And would you believe, my fridge is so sad, It's lost all its cool, it's feeling quite bad. My laundry's rebelling, won't spin, nor will it fold, Such domestic dramas, oh they never get old! [Chorus] With a sigh and a smile, I'll decline your invite, My Scrabble tiles demand a fresh game tonight. Words will be tossed, scores will ascend, These excuses are valid, till the very end! [Bridge] I wish I could join you, but here's one more, I've got an urgent meeting in a candy store. The jellybeans voted, need a new mayor, And I'm running on a platform of sweeter care. [Verse 3] Then there's my neighbor's turtle, moving next door, He's slow on his feet, needs a guide on the floor. And oh, did I mention, the dust bunnies fight, I must referee battles, set things to right. [Chorus] So, I'm terribly sorry, must stay in my nest, But my pillow's invented a self-fluffing test! These outlandish reasons, they're part of my soul, Next time, I'll join in, set the party aglow! [Outro] With a twinkle and flourish, I bid you adieu, Tonight's full of whimsy, it's perfectly true! Raise a glass in my honor, if ever you please, Just know, darling friends, I'm out seeking my ease! [Piano Outro]