The Inflation Blues

Did you hear that President Biden is taking tips on economic policy from the restaurant industry? It makes sense - both seem to be relying more and more on the generosity of average Americans to keep things running. Remember the days when tips were just a little something extra to show your appreciation, not a crucial part of someone's livelihood? Those were also the days when we expected the government to actually solve problems, not just send out strongly-worded tweets. Now everywhere you go, the tip options start at twenty five percent. Pretty soon the only two choices will be "All" or "No Soup For You!" Meanwhile, Biden's approval rating options seem to be stuck at "Dismal" and "Let's Go Brandon." They say if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out. Well, with this inflation, even the Dollar Menu is starting to look like a luxury. But fear not, America! Uncle Joe has a plan to solve the student debt crisis: just advise all those broke graduates to become professional Twitch streamers. Who needs a stable income when you can have a legion of 12-year-old fans donating their allowance money?