The Steep Path to Total Enlightenment

The Bent Wheat Daily Post Serial January 9, 2002 The Steep Path to Total Enlightenment For those of you who do not wish to follow the winding zig-zag road to getting to Mattersknott, you may take the shortcut. Turn right at any juncture, and proceed directly up the steep face of Mt. Mattersknott to seek an audience with the supreme Guru. This is a long and arduous climb, which incorporates many sacrifices, for the path is strewn with discarded carrot and celery sticks. Careful preparations must be taken, so that you will not be tempted by worldly desires, and you must concentrate solely on reaching the icy summit, where the near naked Guru ponders in mediation in a full lotus position, clothed only in a diaper. You may not speak to the Guru until the Guru acknowledges your presence, which may take days. And you may only ask one question, for he will only answer one question, but that answer is the total enlightenment of this dimension. Whatever question you ask, the Guru will always answer the same, when he gets around to it. "Total enlightenment does not exist, it is only a Belief dressed up in a suit, tie, and elevator shoes." This may or may not be satisfying to you, however that’s the way it is. Watch out for frostbite!