Tatiana's Letter (Anneke van Giersbergen)

I write to you – what’s in addition? What else will I be able to say? Just want to tell you my ambition – At me you now be mocking may! Still in embarrassing position Your true compassion should be shown – You will not let me all alone! I would not give you such a scope To learn my undercover shame, – Would go on to play the game If only there was a hope For me to see you at our place, – Somehow with you touching base, – To have a chance to hear you speaking, To say a word, and later on To think of you when you are gone And wait for a subsequent meeting. But they do say you are aloof, And hardly bear backwoods here, While as for us… we’re living proof Of village people to be sincere. Why did you visit our place? In this back of beyond settlement Without you I’d never face Up to this bitter disarrangement. With time there would be some engagement, And then without any strife I’d leave all young soul worries rather To be for children a good mother And for my husband a true wife. Another man!.. To nobody I’d give myself body and soul! Our match is made in heavens… Lordy! I will be giving you my all. My previous life was just a token Of meeting you at proper time, God’s willing is – my heart is broken, You are eternal lord of mine. I knew you long before our meeting, You did appear in my dreams, Your voice went off in my soul ears, Your tender look sent me a greeting Erstwhile… It was not in a sleep! When you came in, I recognized, Got stunned and feeling empathized In thoughts I said: It’s him indeed! Is not it true? – I could you hear: You spoke with me consumed with dole, And when I helped the poor here, Or with a prayer tried to shear A grief of agitated soul! And now, at this especial instant, Have not you, visually existent, Proceeded in translucent dusk And touched tenderly my head? Is not it you who now have said The words of hope, I dare ask? Are you my angel from the heaven Or a sly tempter, crafty demon? Let you clear up distrusts to me. Or is it such a frame of mind Full of illusions – and you see That something other is destined. Still, let it be! From now my fate To you without circumspection I give, impatiently wait With helpless tears for your protection… Imagine how I’m alone, Nobody understands me here My tired mind appears drear For I am feeling lost and done. I know: you with single touching My expectations can revive, – Or put to shame me and derive From all the matter just reproaching! Conclude it… scared to reread… For me a bail’s your reputation, Your honor – and myself to it Entrust I free from hesitation… To you without circumspection I give, impatiently wait With helpless tears for your protection… Imagine how I’m alone, Nobody understands me here My tired mind appears drear For I am feeling lost and done. I know: you with single touching My expectations can revive, – Or put to shame me and derive From all the matter just reproaching! Conclude it… scared to reread… For me a bail’s your reputation, Your honor – and myself to it Entrust I free from hesitation… [Piano outro]