The Anti-Midas Chef

(Verse 1:) There lived a poor sap, a culinary curse His meals were all charred in the grossest reverse No veggies survived, proteins turned into ash This loser's bad luck was bizarrely brash (Chorus:) The Anti-Midas Touch, it ruined his life Turned all of his vittles to inedible strife No matter how gingerly, no matter how slow His sad dishes smoked like an unmanned barbecue (Verse 2:) He tried oven mitts to stop this debacle But nothing could save his pathetic spectacle Take-out was pointless, containers would choke This poor hungry bastard was a laughable joke (Chorus:) The Anti-Midas Touch, it ruined his life Turned all of his vittles to inedible strife No matter how gingerly, no matter how slow His sad dishes smoked like an unmanned barbecue (Bridge:) Some days he just cried by the useless old fridge No sandwich or snacky could make it unhinged He fantasized burgers, milkshakes so thick But knew they'd turn crispy before he could pick Up a single unburnt molecule to lick (Chorus:) The Anti-Midas Touch, it ruined his life Turned all of his vittles to inedible strife No matter how gingerly, no matter how slow His sad dishes smoked like an unmanned barbecue (Outro:) What a total rube with the worst kind of luck Maybe he was cursed for some vile triple-truck Or just pissed off a gypsy, we may never know But man, what a loser with nowhere to go! (Chorus:) The Anti-Midas Touch, it ruined his life Turned all of his vittles to inedible strife No matter how gingerly, no matter how slow His sad dishes smoked like an unmanned barbecue