I Hate Slow Internet

(Verse 1) I wake up in the morning, gotta check my feed, But my internet's slower than a turtle on weed. Try to stream a movie, yeah, I’m feelin’ so bold, Buffering so long, the popcorn's gettin' cold. (Chorus) Oh, I hate slow internet, it's drivin' me insane, Every time I load a page, it’s like watchin' paint drain. I’d rather watch grass grow or count all the stars, Than wait for my connection, stuck in internet cars. (Verse 2) Zoom meeting at nine, gotta look real keen, But my screen's frozen solid, like a statue on the screen. Boss is talkin’ serious, but I can’t chime in, ‘Cause my video’s laggin’ and I look like a mannequin. (Chorus) Oh, I hate slow internet, it’s a 21st-century curse, It makes me wanna smash my router, or at least utter some verse. I’d rather sort socks, or knit a wooly hat, Than deal with this connection, slower than a nap. (Bridge) I pay for high speed, but I’m livin' in a nightmare, Got a router from the Stone Age, it’s really not fair. ISP keeps sayin', “We’re workin' on it, sir,” But my patience is thinner than my grandma’s old fur. (Chorus) Oh, I hate slow internet, it's like a bad dream, Every webpage loadin' feels like swimmin’ upstream. I’d rather take a quiz on ancient Mesopotamia, Than deal with this connection, worse than total lameness. (Verse 3) I tried to play a game, but I’m laggin’ behind, Enemies are laughin’, I’m losin' my mind. Sent an email to my mom, she never got back, Turns out it’s still sendin’, I’m about to crack. (Chorus) Oh, I hate slow internet, it’s the bane of my day, It’s like a snail on vacation, just get outta my way. I’d rather clean the attic, or wrestle with a gator, Than deal with this connection, slower than a calculator. (Outro) So here’s to the days when we’re finally free, From the chains of slow internet, oh how sweet it'll be. Until then I’ll complain, and I’ll sing you this song, ‘Bout why I hate slow internet, all day long!