out of pity

everything was normal going though my daily habits, while walking through this chilly storm, nothingness like static. everyday is mildly depression, getting made fun of, getting called names for laughs and attention. Later then I got bullied by a couple of blokes, so embarrassed and full of thoughts that I wanted to get a rope. Losing so much dignity and affirmation, so close to ablation. Sitting alone at lunch after all the cries wept away, a girl came to see me and asked if I was ok, all I did was zone out with a gaze. stuttering giving an answer and stunned by the beauty, yet I wouldn't want to ask because she hardly knew me. I talked to her whenever I got a chance, but all there was nothing but a glance. she started to avoid me after that one day I walked towards her but she just walked away. I tried to do what I could but she had no interest in me, yet I soon realized, she only talked to me out of pity. I knew that was the only reason because she only talked to me once every season. She started to talk to other people, and the next day she was on a date, I felt horrible but at least I knew that she was safe. I knew that I was the problem and should just go away, avoiding everyone else like I'm just the plague. Though I wanted to change and start to focus on oneself, being given confidence and forcing myself to be compelled. I went and tried to do things right and correct my changes, knowing there would be much more opportunities for me to meet new faces.